Ever wonder what it’s like to work at a daycare?

Yeah, me neither. Until they offered great pay and all my nights and weekends free to watch How I Met Your Mother on Netflix, I mean, go to grad classes.

Things are pretty calm around here. Much calmer than you’d think. There is some crying and some sleep training and oh my good lord, the teething. THE TEETHING! But that’s just my room. The older rooms have equally awesome things like potty-training and kids that wake up from their sleep screaming EEEEELLLMMOOOOO! as if Elmo has just run over their sweet puppy in some creepy nap-time nightmare.

One morning, a coworker leaned out over the dutch door to her room to say, “HEY. So this just happened. We were sitting here during nap time and something smelled like poop. So we walked around to all the pack-and-plays and looked in on them. One kid was sitting up playing with her poo.”

You guys. This stuff actually happens.

And because I can’t help myself, I had to ask, “Exactly what kind of consistency was it?” Because I really genuinely, in my heart, believe that the answer matters in terms of grossness.

Her answer?

“Brownie batter.”

So, I’m guessing parenthood is just as much fun, right? I wouldn’t know. I don’t want to know. Because I’ve pretty much met my lifetime quota of gross-things-children-do-that-I-must-witness.

You are free to eat your lunch now.